A Comedy of Errors!

I have been meaning to write this post since long but damn the writer’s block(read laziness)!

The content is highly amusing even for the central character in all the hocus pocus, which I am going to take you through. First, the incidents are in no particular order nor do they intend to bring across the “Once bitten, twice shy” jazz. Second, all of it is real and however far fetched they might sound, it is one hundred percent non fiction. So here we go:

a) She was tiny and chubby. Doing the stupidest things in the world was her panache. A pink polka dotted frock with a flowery head gear made her look cute. She wanted to explore the world even at the age of 6. A cousin, one year older to her, was visiting. Another cousin, a month old, was on vacation, in the same house. The two older musketeers were debating on who had a greater sensibility quotient. Incidentally, they were whizzing around the house while they were having perhaps a discussion, crucial to their existence at that point in time. They came across a weird looking bottle with a small pout. She was immediately curious. She used all her physical might to open the lid, to no avail though. The cousin suggested, “Who don’t you put it up to your mouth and see what it is”?

She obeyed almost immediately. Lo and Behold, she almost jumped when the content in the flask touched her lips. The liquid spilled out and was all over her face, neck and a part of it on her hands too. The container fell off her hand. Any guesses?

The month old cousin was responsible for the chaotic state. The weird looking bottle was a hot water flask, acting as an aid to the Cerelac that went down her teeny weeny throat. It scathed her to the brim. And what followed? Well, not much. A series of sessions with the plastic surgeon, generous slathering of Burnol and a lot of mollycoddling.

Who was higher on the quotient? Care to answer?

b) I still have no freaking clue as to why she wondered she could be a lady Tenzing? The school she went to, like all missionary schools, had a chapel just next to it. It was one of the most beautiful places she had seen, with the statue of the crucified Jesus on a wall outside, a huge candle holder which could house about a million candles in her small imaginative head, lots of empty space to run around and her absolute favorite, three mounds of green earth which she called mountains. The biggest was Mount Everest and almost reached her shoulders. The other two were relatively small and did not pump in as much adrenaline as climbing the biggest one did. This was her haunt after school for the half an hour she had to wait till her rickshaw arrived to take her back home. The rickshaw puller could hear from only one ear. She always wondered how somebody’s ear could have a gaping hole. Shoot me if I digress the next time.Please!

One fine afternoon, she was sitting with Blyton at the foot of the hill. Yes, Everest. Her not so reliable friend gave her an idea. Lets try and catch each other while we run up and down the mountains. Game? Yeah,sure! Little did she realize that the other girl was a monkey covered in human form. In one scary attempt to save her skin, she gathered courage and climbed up the mountain in one rush, in one go. At the pointed tip, she stood and looked around. She had managed to conquer the whole wide world. She was as happy and sprightly as a newly wed. Now the challenge! Very carefully, she tried to sit and slide down and in the process, emulated Humpty Dumpty in a slightly different fashion. She rolled down to have a great fall, perhaps the greatest ever! Fresh, bright red blood was oozing out of her knees. She was petrified. A little giddy in the head too. A sequence of events followed. 3 stitches in the knee, without anesthesia that is, and a heightened kelloid formation to mark the sacred beginning of madness in life.

c) She was a happy kid. The red car formed the basis of her existence and happiness. Books were a close second. She used to pick up imaginary passengers and drop them at their required destinations, demand a certain amount of fare from them, be delighted if they asked her to keep the change and run her dedicated cab service daily. She used to drive people mad, literally that is. Constantly on the move, she was always wondering why she wasn’t allowed to drive on the streets with her little car. It was almost perfect with a steering wheel and a seat where could keep her small bottle of water and kitchen set on. To her utter consternation, she was always refused the privilege to take on the roads. Fed up with her, her mother told her to take the car upto the terrace and drive it to her heart’s fill. She tried to drive it up the stairs and couldn’t figure out why it always kept slipping down. She consoled herself and dragged it up, mustering all the strength she could. She drove the birds around, told them stories, tried to drive the car on the railing and after an hour, decided she would come down. The staircase provided the exact gradient to do that. She drove the car down and in an attempt to showcase bravery, toppled over and over again, and fell out of her car at the base. What followed?

Lets keep that for another post. But I can tell you that her spirit wasn’t marred and inspite of all the stupid accidents she had, she is one adventurous freak, even now!

By the way, in Odiya she was christened “Atharpi”, one who tripped and kept falling down.

But then haven’t you heard of the adage, “To fall and rise is the mark of greatness”?

*Chuckles*